


A Cupful of Heartache

by Cuzosu



Category: Bleach
Genre: Depression, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-09-13
Updated: 2013-01-14
Packaged: 2017-11-14 04:38:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/511394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cuzosu/pseuds/Cuzosu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yoruichi's death has left Kisuke unstable, so Yamamoto sends another captain to either calm Urahara or take him prisoner. The downside? His best option to send is also the one most like Yoruichi.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> **Title: A Cupful of Heartache**
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> **Author: Cuzosu**
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> **Rating: M**
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> **Pairing: Shunsui and Kisuke**
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>  **Summary:** Shihōin Yoruichi has just died, and Tessai is worried for his long-time friend. Drastic times call for drastic measures.... Yoruichi's death has left Kisuke unstable, so at Tessai's request, Yamamoto sends another captain to either calm Urahara or take him prisoner. The downside? His best option to send is also the one most like Yoruichi.
> 
> A/N: This *glares at fic* was supposed to be a one-shot, but the story decided otherwise. And I find I just can't argue with such a wonderful idea.
> 
> Here's a tidbit y'all readers might find entertaining. Andy Griggs' "I'll Go Crazy" has been the theme song for this chapter, and given just how often I've played it while writing this, I suspect it's going to be the theme for the entire story.

**Chapter One:**

Kyōraku Shunsui knew he was probably staring at his former sensei. But after news like the death of Shihōin Yoruichi, he'd expected to have time to mourn the loss of vibrant, feminine life.

"Sorry, I'm not sure I heard you right." That was putting it simply. "You want me to go do something for or about Urahara Kisuke?" _I know they were good friends, but what does her death have to do with scrambling to get a handle on the blond?_ Yes, scrambling; Shunsui was fairly sure that the harried expressions on the faces of the Captain-Commander and Unohana Retsu made 'scrambling' the correct choice of verb. And he was nitpicking now, so what? He had a right to be unsettled, damn it!

Yamamoto's brows knit together. "We received word from Tsukabishi Tessai not long ago. Urahara's condition is unstable, and not even our young substitute shinigami has been able to reach him. If this goes on, not only will Seireitei lose a valuable ally and the Kurosaki family a friend and teacher, but...his power is not one I feel safe leaving in the hands of a man unbalanced within himself."

Unohana frowned in concern, adding, "Tsukabishi-san specifically requested a captain who is good with sensing hidden reiatsu and further said that, given Urahara's past actions and experiences - and of course recent experiences - a man would be a better choice than a woman."

The dual-bladed duo narrowed their eyes.

"Why?" Ukitake Jūshirō asked.

"Because Shihōin Yoruichi was female, and he is of the opinion that his friend needs no reminders of her death. Of the male captains, you two are the best at sensing reiatsu. But, I fear, this task falls to you, Captain Kyōraku," she paused long enough to share a significant look with the white-haired captain, "as Ukitake's health is somewhat precariously balanced at the moment. The latest war has done no good in that regard, either."

Ukitake glanced regretfully at his old friend. He didn't like that his illness kept him from taking on this task, but.... To be fair, the brunet really was the better choice, for more reasons than even their leader knew. Brown eyes hooded thoughtfully as he gazed at Eighth's captain. _Maybe this will do them both good...._

Kyōraku Shunsui sighed, one hand reaching up to tug his hat over his eyes. He remained like that a moment, lost in thought, before he sighed again, softer this time, and gazed at his former sensei with resignation. "Wish I didn't see your point, but I do. Nobody else fits the requirements." _Damn...._

As the brunet stood to rise, the aged Captain-Commander raised an eyebrow and added sagely, "And Shunsui...you have to be the mature one, because he's not emotionally fit enough to be stable on his own yet."

Shunsui's hat tipped forward to cover his eyes. "Got it." And with a somber, sad mien, the brunet flickered into shunpo to pack and go.

For her part, the healer was watching her patient with an air of muted curiosity, knowing that it would do no good to ask. Ukitake was hiding something - and from the way his eyes were glued to his friend, it had to do with Shunsui as well. Still, part of being a healer was keeping secrets, so she held her tongue and merely observed. Sooner or later, she would find out, she was sure of that much.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tsukabishi Tessai answered the door before Squad Eight's captain even set foot on the porch. Dressed in his everyday clothes, he didn't seem to be distraught, but the tension in his face said otherwise.

"I've sent the children to Kurosaki's house for the time being. He's..." The big man frowned. "I can't read him right now, and that worries me." _Because the only times he's ever gone **this** unreadable, everything's already gone to hell and he's manipulating us all to get the best end result he can. And now...I don't know what's going on in his head...._

Shunsui tilted his head downward, face falling a little further into shadow. Tessai noticed but said nothing, used to such gestures from his friend, leader and boss. That said friend, leader and boss were all the same person was a given, due to the exile that had since been revoked, because no one else could plan and manipulate quite the way Urahara Kisuke could. Urahara was a first-rate genius, and Eighth Squad's captain was well aware of the monumental task he faced. But maybe he could catch up on his sleep while he was here, too. He could hope, right? 

It was a relatively short walk to the kitchen, where the large mustached man prepared a meal and fixed two bowls for the guest and his old friend before dishing out his own food. As he moved to eat his dinner in the store's office, Tessai locked eyes with the brunet. 

"I hope you can help," he rumbled. As he left the room, he added, "Last time I found him, he was in Yoruichi's room. I don't know where he is now." 

As the door shut behind the other man, Shunsui stretched his senses. There was fading reiatsu everywhere, and some distance away the Kurosaki Clinic and home practically pulsed with energy. But in the store there was only Tessai, and in the rest of Urahara's residence...there was darkness, spread all about. 

Laziness being part and parcel of his nature, the brunet narrowed his eyes at the former exile's skill and opted for the quick method. He flared his reiatsu, knowing Kisuke would have to adjust for it and in those precious few seconds there should be an indication of where he was. 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

Eighth Squad's captain carefully balanced two trays of food as he slid open the door to the former exile's lab. Or, more accurately, his inner lab, the one reinforced for dangerous experiments. It didn't just feel dark in here; it _was_ dark. Apparently the blond hadn't wanted light. Well, Shunsui could deal with that, at least for the time being. Sooner or later he'd just have to ensure the blond went outside, that was all. Even if he had to drag the other man kicking and screaming. 

Sliding the door shut again behind him, the brunet turned to face the room. "If you don't speak or otherwise let me find you, I'll pester you with methods I don't even use on my lieutenant or my best friend - or Yama-jii." So it was disrespectful to speak so casually of Captain-Commander Yamamoto. Frankly, Shunsui wasn't good with formality anyway; it tended to baffle, annoy, or depress him (or, in subordinates, sometimes amuse him), and though this meant anyone he cared about was promptly nicknamed something appropriately informal (and either humorous or offensive) he still was one of the more fondly regarded captains. 

A wave of anger washed the room with rage. Still, the utter darkness abated and Shunsui could vaguely make out the room and its current resident by the light of an experiment or two. There was a pale-haired figure sitting on the floor, a cup of sake in his hand that he'd long since forgotten about. 

"That's better warm, you know," he said quietly, nodding to the now-cold cup of sake as he set down the tray. "Luckily for you, I thought you might want something to help take the edge off." 

Another wave of emotion washed the room, this one full of grief but shot through with anger, sorrow, and something else. Shunsui frowned slightly, pondering the exact emotion. It wasn't guilt, exactly, and wasn't exhaustion. Though the blond ought to be exhausted. No, it was more...fed up? That felt right. But fed up with what? The brunet shook his head, knowing only time or the blond would tell. 

Dull eyes watched impassively as the long-haired captain poured two fresh cups of hot sake. Urahara didn't protest when Shunsui carefully pried the cold cup from his fingers and replaced it, but when the brunet gently nudged the blond's hand toward his mouth, gray-green eyes glinted blood-thirsty crimson. 

Retreating momentarily, Shunsui held his hands up in a conciliatory gesture. Then he pulled his own bowl off the tray, set it beside him on the floor, and set the tray and remaining bowl pointedly next to Kisuke, who graced him with a tired, disgruntled glare. _Force feed me,_ that look said. _I dare you._

Sadly for Urahara's will to fight, Shunsui was no fool. Instead, the other man sat down across from the blond and took up his own meal, an air of muted confidence about him. Not that he was feeling particularly confident about the situation; no, there he was treading a thin, sharp line...and he knew it. Because for all that Urahara had so far been relatively reasonable, though stubborn, the blond was emotionally broken...and it was only luck that had kept the brunet from brushing up against jagged egdes thus far. 

Dark eyes watched somberly as Kisuke picked at his meal, listless and sad. It tore at Shunsui's heart to watch this, to see a man whose vim and vigor had always been so obnoxiously there, just beneath the surface and waiting to pounce on the unsuspecting...suddenly lethargic and dulled by death. But then, Kyōraku had always had a well-hidden soft spot for the younger blond man who had occasionally joined him for a nap or some sake. _Just another drinking buddy,_ he reminded himself yet again. _Albeit one who holds his liquor better than most of the younger shinigami._

"Have you been sleeping?" Kyōraku queried. But his attentive eyes belied the idle tone. 

Apparently that was the final straw, for the next thing Shunsui knew, there was no blond in the room and his sake bottle was gone. He sighed heavily. This was turning out to be as much of a hassle as he'd thought it would, damn it. _And on top of that, Kis-kun took the sake...._

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

Tsukabishi Tessai looked up from the counter when the door opened. If he'd had hopes of good news, they died painfully when he saw the look on the brunet's face. But he kept his face emotionless, his own inner turmoil hidden carefully away from public view. 

"I take it he was not receptive," the big man sighed. Sometimes it was so difficult to help his friend.... 

Kyōraku Shunsui lifted one eyebrow minutely. "You could say that. It would probably even be a fairly accurate description. But I was sent here to do something about either him or his state of mind - and before you get all defensive on his behalf, I'd rather find a way to help him heal than have to take him into custody and incarcerate him. He's more entertaining than Kurotsuchi by far, and a hell of a lot more sane than Kurotsuchi's ever been. Yes, let's keep him." Dark eyes laughed gently at Tessai from under the brim of a straw hat. A smile played about the corners of the lazy man's lips, a stark contrast to the air of sadness he currently wore like a cloak. 

Tessai sighed again. "My apologies; I didn't mean to imply that you were going to act as...certain other shinigami we both know would." _Second Squad's captain, to name no names._ "You at least knew him well enough of old that...well, this behavior is both unusual and disturbing." 

_And that's a massive understatement,_ Kyōraku admitted wryly to himself. "Oh, don't worry; I know. I'll do what I can to avoid having to take him in, though." He waited just long enough for the other man to start to smile in relief, then added wistfully, "Kurotsuchi doesn't brew highly potent sake for me on a whim like Kis-kun did." 

The larger man _harrumph_ ed - not on purpose; it was actually a combination of a disbelieving snort and a shocked cough - then shook his head and waved the captain away. "Help yourself to any of the spare rooms, and the roof of course is available as well." 

Shunsui waved haphazardly at the man as he strolled back out of the room. Instead of turning towards his room, he headed for the kitchen - and Tessai knew he was going to find some sake and kick back on the roof. But that was to be expected of Kyōraku Shunsui, after all. 

_Maybe we're not so screwed as I thought,_ the big man mused. _But really... Kis-kun?_ Sadness washed him under yet again as he realized that Yoruichi would have loved the nickname. 


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Shunsui gave me hell over this chapter. He didn't want it to be depressing. So I had a bit of a fight on my hands. The result is a chapter with mixed feelings, and a roller coaster in regards to the overall mood of the story itself. Hopefully y'all enjoy it anyway.

**Chapter Two:**

It was noon before Shunsui woke the next day. He'd been up so late planning what he could... _but that Urahara genius is a fucking pain to plan around,_ the brunet admitted unhappily. _Mostly I came to the conclusion that I'm going to have to wing it. Man, this is such a hassle.... If it weren't Kis-kun...._

Probably it was convenient that Tessai knocked on his door just then, interrupting his thoughts. Because really, if it weren't Kis-kun....

"Kyōraku-san? Lunch is ready."

Shunsui blinked, startled from his musing. "Food?" He frowned. "Time to find Kis-kun again; I'm sure he's not eating on his own." But when he reached the door, he was surprised again.

Tessai stood in the hall, a respectful distance from his door once it opened, and stated, "He appropriated another bottle of sake last night. I found it on the porch this morning." The mustached man didn't need to tell him it was empty; that went without saying, since the bottle was currently dangling from one of the tall man's hands.

"Drinking under the stars? Sounds like something I'd do." He stroked his chin thoughtfully.

"Yes," grunted Tessai, "except that this is Kisuke we're talking about...and he doesn't drink alone."

"Hm...good point," the brunet admitted. Then he sighed and headed for the kitchen to pick up the meals. It was only the second day and already having to track down the elusive blond was proving to be a pain. Kisuke was lucky he had a soft heart, that was all.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This time the blond was in the underground training facility and Shunsui couldn't help but wonder what memories might have brought the younger man here. Where Yoruichi was concerned, certainly most would be pleasant...or at least amusing, right?

He cleared his throat once he reached hearing distance, careful not to startle the ex-captain into a violent reaction. "Lunch," he said, setting the tray down next to the other man.

For a man who chose to wear green and white, his brooding brought a darkness that seemed to suck the light out of all the color around. Dull gray eyes rose slowly to meet brown. Shunsui couldn't help but notice the dark bags under his eyes, the lack of that mischievous green lustre which so often shone through the gray in Kisuke's eyes. He looked like a war had run rampant through his head all night, though which side had won was open for debate.

Shunsui was sneaky, though, so when Kisuke reached to pour himself a cup of sake from the bottle the brunet pulled said bottle away, shaking a finger at the blond. "Uh-uh, my friend, I can't let you do that! It's too early for sake."

Urahara just glared, eyes cold as steel and twice as determined. As if it wasn't all part of his haphazard plan, the brunet capitulated.

"If you can keep a secret, though, I might take this excuse to slip some into the tea," he winked.

The darkness lightened minutely, though those intense eyes watched his every move like a hawk. It seemed the blond wasn't going to take any chances of being sober if he could help it. Giving in with good, somewhat amused - though also sad - grace, Kyōraku Shunsui deftly poured sake into the tea kettle. _Really, if Jū knew I was resorting to such methods he'd probably give me hell for it. It's for the better he couldn't be here, I think._ Dark eyes observed the Urahara behind lazy lids. _Kisuke wouldn't react well even to Jū's manners and care, not at this stage._

"Just don't tell Jū," Shunsui admonished, half in jest and half earnestly, pouring two cups. "He's in one of those stages again, trying to get me to moderate my drinking." His tone screamed fond annoyance, which made the younger man relax ever so slightly as he accepted a cup and put it to his lips.

Sharp eyes caught the ripple in the sake-laced tea as the blond sipped, though the huff of depressed laughter was inaudible. Every little bit was progress, though, and behind his somber facade Kyōraku Shunsui was grinning happily.

This time the blond even managed to eat half the meal before taking off.

Shunsui shook his head, knowing that even if he could figure out where the other man had vanished to it would be folly to track him down just yet.

Little did he know what was just around the corner. Literally.

Rounding the corner, Shunsui careened into someone coming the other way. The tray and dishes scattered but the brunet took no notice. He was too busy staring at the person he'd just run into.

"Jū?" Incredulous, his voice cracked. His only thought was, _Ohh shit... If Kisuke catches him here, we're toast and we might as well kiss goodbye to any hope of bringing him back to sanity...._

Jūshirō frowned; he'd never seen his friend's face so pale. "Shunsui? What -" He didn't even have time to finish the sentence.

Darkness flooded the hall and Shunsui multitasked desperately, trying to simultaneously send his old friend back through the senkaimon and keep an eye out to see when - or rather, where - Kisuke would show up.

"Go!" growled the brunet.

He wasn't used to being treated this brusquely even by Shunsui, and it showed in the way he hesitated, confused. "What -"

"Now, damn it!" he half pleaded, half snarled. Desperation was audible, practically a physical presence in the hallway. "I was starting to get through to him before you got here; if you stay, he'll have a -"

_relapse._

Shadows shifted all along the hall, moving sculptures and artwork hither and yon at a whim. Deep in the shadows, a dark green light began to grow. A silhouette moved, revealing white-and-green clothes covered by a black haori, and a blond head tilted just enough to allow the Urahara to watch them through his bangs.

Shunsui cursed upon seeing the crimson gleam in the darkness. He'd never particularly wanted to fight against Kisuke and Benihime; he knew if they ever did need to fight seriously, one of them would die. "Kisuke," he called out, trying not to show relief when the blond paused, however minutely. "I'm trying to get him to go back through the gate!"

There wasn't a nod, as such. More an air of acknowledgement. "Tessai holds the gate," the blond said softly, so, so softly. Then fury overcame him and his reiatsu flared, an immediate and sharp response that was as pointed a demand to leave as a bared blade - aimed at Ukitake Jūshirō.

Ukitake's eyes widened just as he found himself pushed backward by the strength of emotion in the released reiatsu, but he caught his balance - and the hint - and turned, bowing his head in Urahara's direction as if to indicate that he would respect the blond's will. As he gathered up his bags again, glanced a brief farewell to Shunsui and nodded goodbye to Tessai, Ukitake Jūshirō turned his back to the blond in a silent display of trust.

Trust in the Urahara he had once known...and in the friend who might just be able to bring him back.

As the gate closed behind the white-haired captain, Kyōraku Shunsui heaved a sigh, feeling the darkness fade until they could once again see, however dimly. "Thank you," he rasped, voice rough with tension and fraught with emotions he didn't care to name. "Thank you for trusting me enough to give him a chance."

When he turned around, the blond was gone, but somehow Shunsui had a feeling he'd heard.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Unohana Retsu blinked, startled to see her patient back so soon. He had been so intent on going and helping! Why, then, was he back now, not even an hour after leaving?

Setting his bags down and giving the healer a rueful smile, Jūshirō said, "So much for helping. I think I messed it up further just by going."

Not wanting to say anything offensive, Retsu merely raised one eyebrow and waited.

"Urahara...took exception to my presence."

Pondering this, the healer mused, "Has his residence become a haven for him?"

Ukitake sighed. "I don't know. But he seemed to be okay with Shunsui there, so.... I think he'd be able to handle shinigami passing through on duty, or returning to Seireitei. But...he doesn't appear to want anyone trying to get involved with _him."_

She considered this seriously for a moment. "... Then perhaps Kyōraku was the best choice we could have made, and sending him will work in our favor."

Jūshirō sighed and nodded. _Though I'm hoping it works in Shunsui's favor...._

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tessai rolled his shoulders to release some of the tension as the gate closed behind Thirteenth's captain. "That was close," he grunted. "Glad he listened to you."

Shunsui huffed, just as relieved. "What would you have done if he hadn't?"

"Trusted Ukitake to defend himself and you to come to his aid. Best way to calm the Boss down this time was to get rid of the one whose presence he wouldn't tolerate. That meant opening the gate, and my methods were least likely to set him further on edge."

There was logic in that, however much it made Shunsui's head hurt. "Right," he said, not sure whether he was agreeing or just acknowledging the bigger man's words. "I think I'll give Kisuke time to calm down," he sighed. "I'll be on the roof if you need me."

He didn't stay long enough even to catch Tessai's nod.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Urahara Kisuke was depressed. In the back of his mind, he knew that. But without Yoruichi...

He blinked back tears as heartfelt hurt washed over him anew at the thought of her name.

...Yoruichi was gone. She wasn't there to push him headlong into things he needed to do but didn't want to. She couldn't ask him warily if he was _sure_ his latest plan was the best method, not from the next life. And he _needed_ that. He needed that...that kick in the ass when he strayed off target, needed someone questioning him so he could be sure.

Without it, he was lost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Well? What do you think? Am I horrible for tormenting Kisuke? (I say yes, but it's just so _fun!_ )
> 
> Actually, that last scene made me tear up, too. :( I feel bad now....


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Warning of some violence, my horribly bad language because I was irritated beyond belief with both the computer and both AFF and FFnet at the time I first posted this on those sites.

**Chapter Three:**

Tessai entered the kitchen the next morning with a sinking heart. His longtime friend had been so determinedly absent last night that even Kyōraku's quick wits and sharp senses had been unable to locate him. And as if he didn't have enough to depress him just trying to help the Urahara, every time he tried to think up another way to improve the blond's mood, his first thought (his instinctive thought, after all these years) was, _Yoruichi could_ \- and then he remembered: _She can't. Not anymore._ Heartache piled on heartache, and though he knew it was for the best that the children weren't around Kisuke at this point...he also missed their rambunctious and earnest actions. _... I'll go visit them after I fix breakfast,_ he decided. _Surely my help won't be needed except with meals, now that Ukitake-san is back and no doubt informed everyone of the results of his visit?_

A loud yawn interrupted his musing, signalling Kyōraku's surprisingly early arrival. "He around?" asked the brunet sleepily.

"I have not been able to find him," said Tessai.

Sighing softly, the captain ran a hand through his loose hair before tying it back. "Hide and seek, is it, Kis-kun?" he wondered aloud. "Alright, I guess I'll play, too." He picked up the tray containing their breakfasts and let his senses seek the blond.

...nothing. _He must still be hiding his reiatsu...._ Well, that was inconvenient. That meant searching him out the hard way; when Shunsui was tired, his senses dulled, so even if he flared his own reiatsu he wouldn't be able to locate the blond that way.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

By the time Shunsui found the blond, the food was cold. But he couldn't bring himself to be mad.

For the first time since his arrival - and most probably since Yoruichi's death - Urahara Kisuke was asleep. Blond hair rumpled, bags beneath his eyes, mouth slightly open, looking so innocent...Shunsui felt a surge of emotion. Not many people got to see the shopkeeper like this. He valued his privacy, so even visiting shinigami were kept at arm's length. But now...now he was sleeping even with Shunsui present and tolerated Shunsui's gentle pestering better even than his old friend Tessai's.

He tried not to get his hopes up, but Kyōraku Shunsui had always been a dreamer - and what else was hope but a dream with intention?

Then a frown ruffled the smooth brow and the corners of Kisuke's mouth turned down. A nearly inaudible whimper crept from the blond - heartbroken, tragic, tugging on Shunsui's heart strings.

Brown eyes darkened with sorrow - more for the blond than for himself. "Hey, Kis," he called softly, trying to rouse the younger man. But the blond merely frowned a slight bit more, twitched a little further into the bed, and fell even more deeply asleep. Such a reaction had Shunsui's brow furrowing with worry and confusion. "Kisuke?"

_Well, this situation could turn in an instant...._ But surely he was quick enough to dodge even when he wasn't already on guard? So he reached out and set a hand on the blond's shoulder anyway.

It was strangely similar to being hit by a lightning bolt; he saw those gorgeous eyes snap open, full of some emotion he didn't have time to name - and suddenly he was being slammed to the floor with a sword through his shoulder and a splitting pain flashed through his head. Everything went black.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When the body beneath him stilled, Kisuke froze, eyes wide but unseeing. It took a long moment for his surroundings to register. And when they did, he almost wished they hadn't.

Kyōraku Shunsui's still form lay under him, Benihime through his shoulder. And somehow his other hand must have found the dagger hidden in his robes, because that was reversed in his other hand and looked to have struck the brunet harshly upside the head...and knocked him cold in the process.

Somewhere in the depths of himself, there was a sensation akin to that _oh shit_ moment but more distant. Kisuke couldn't feel his emotions, but probably the ones he should have felt were regret and shock. Certainly he hadn't meant to do anything to the brunet! But....

He must have been sleeping, he realized. Reflexes. He could curse his reflexes. But in the meantime, he had to make some form of reparations.

_Thankfully I subconsciously reversed the dagger._ If he hadn't, Kisuke would've felt _really_ guilty and uncontrolled. As it was....

The blond stripped Shunsui's upper half to the skin, prepared a healing kidō and got to work.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

With a groan, Kyōraku Shunsui came to. His head hurt, his shoulder felt like it was on fire, and he didn't remember lying down. He went to sit up before thinking - a mistake. As the pain surged anew, he tried to relax and think back.

Wait.

...no, he still didn't remember lying down, but now he remembered why he ought to be. And for that matter, his haori had been pulled down to his waist and there was a bandage covering his shoulder - and subsequently, approximately half his torso. So he'd been examined and treated before being abandoned. (This last had to've been the blond; Tessai wouldn't have left before he woke, he was fairly sure.)

_Damn the brat,_ he grumbled half-heartedly in his head. _Wounds me and knocks me cold for waking him, then treats me and leaves. If it weren't so contrarily **Kisuke** I'd be mad - and if it weren't for the reason behind this current situation it would even be amusing. But.... Well, I guess I should've expected that and been more careful,_ he admitted to himself. Anyone who had been exiled was someone it was wise to be wary around, even if their exile had been revoked. Urahara Kisuke had been a captain - and was still an eccentric genius who thought in such a way that not even Seireitei's own scientific genius, Kurotsuchi Mayuri, could outthink him. (A fact which irritated Kurotsuchi to no end...and typically stirred vague amusement from Shunsui, who suspected Kisuke found it laughable that he was stuck in a rivalry that he wasn't even bothering to participate in. But then the blond had always been impossible to understand fully.) All of which meant, essentially, that the younger man wasn't someone Shunsui ought to have underestimated.

Disgruntled, he mentally kicked himself again. "... Damn it," he growled. For all that he hurt like hell at the moment - and his back was griping about being slammed into the floor - his main worry was about the blond who'd once again performed that vanishing trick.

Forcing himself up, he debated for a moment on whether or not to pull his haori back up but decided against it. It would hurt too much...and besides, he was lazy. Less effort was better and he would take this excuse. There was no one from Seireitei around who could see him and get demoralized, so there was no need to keep his captain's dignified, unflappable, invincible air.

Besides, maybe he could use this to guilt trip Kisuke. _Him and that habit of up and leaving.... Would've been nice to wake up to a contrite blond, but I guess that's too much to ask for...._

Then he stepped into the kitchen - where Tessai was making lunch.

"Food will be ready in a few minutes," stated the big man, not turning around. He stirred something in a pot, then another something in a wok, nodded to himself and finally faced the brunette.

He froze for a moment, then pushed his glasses up. "I assume this has something to do with that...outburst...I felt from him not so long ago?"

Shunsui grimaced. "He was having a nightmare, so I tried to bring him out of it, but...his reflexes kicked in." _And now I'm kicking myself for not being fully prepared to use my own reflexes to dodge._

Tessai sighed softly. _Oh dear...._ "Well, on the positive side, at least he took care of your wounds, even if he didn't let me know." He ran an assessing gaze over the other, older man. "Even did a pretty good job. I'll touch it up after the meal," he said, casting what was possibly an amused glance at the brunette. "That way you can try your hand at a guilt trip or two."

Huffing a laugh that had him wincing and rubbing his shoulder but still wasn't painful enough to wipe the smile from his face, Shunsui said, "Yeah, I was thinking about that." Ruefully, he acknowledged that he'd been doing more than just _thinking_ about it... Entire haphazard plans had been schemed!

"I'm sure you were, Kyōraku-san. I'm sure you were."

As he accepted the tray and balanced it with his uninjured arm, the older shinigami smiled. It was incongruous when considering his wound, perhaps, but he felt that there were currently more reasons to smile than to be somber. Even if he did make quite a sight with the entire upper half of his uniform hanging from his waist.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kisuke looked up when he heard someone enter the room, only to quickly avert his eyes when he realized who it was.

_Looks like I won't have to try to guilt trip him. He seems to be doing a pretty good job on his own._ Softly, he said, "Lunch."

It was easy to say, but not so easy to set down. He had to use both hands for that, and his injured shoulder protested. Shunsui bit back a smile when his flinch of pain drew a flinch of sympathy and guilt from the blond.

"Not your fault," he told the other man quietly. "I knew better." _Ease the guilt, or he'll be absolutely unpredictable - and I can't stabilize him if I can't predict his moods or actions._

"Knew better than what?" scoffed Urahara. His voice was soft but bitter - and Shunsui's eyes softened. "All you did was wake me up."

Wryly, the brunet drawled, "In one sense, yes. But would you try to wake, say, young Ichigo, from a nightmare with a hand on his shoulder?"

Silence fell, the blond considering and Shunsui waiting with steady patience. Kisuke wasn't sure quite what to think. He knew he was to blame for at least half of the incident. Finally, Urahara turned his eyes back to Kyōraku.

Internally feeling some relief - though still a lot of guilt remained - the blond scoffed. "Well if you want to take some of the blame, I suppose I'll let you," he said reluctantly. _No, I won't._

"You should," agreed Shunsui, smiling slightly. _Yes, you will._ "Kurosaki's reflexes might make him dangerous, but _you're_ not so much of a risk when you're not fully with it, because your mind is at least half the problem your enemies run into. I knew better; this way maybe I'll remember next time."

Lunch passed in silence; Kisuke was still lost in thought, while Shunsui wasn't sure how to pull the Urahara out of his brooding. But when he caught himself starting to drowse, well, something had to be done.

"If you're not going anywhere soon, do you mind if I take a nap?" the brunet queried mournfully. _I'm tired and I hurt, damn it...._ His gaze was an unspoken plea.

Puzzled, the blond replied, "Why should I care if you doze?"

Taking that to mean that the blond had no intention of going anywhere soon, Shunsui smirked - and made short work of stretching out with his head on the blond's lap.

Kisuke blinked. _What the hell?_

Shunsui _hm_ 'd under his breath. "You make a good pillow," he told the other man. "Comfy."

It took less than a split second for the Urahara - startled, wary and anti-social - to dump the other man off his lap and leap to his feet. He didn't realize that Shunsui had also been moving at the same time, disregarding his wounded shoulder in favor of catching the blond's wrist in a grasp that refused to allow another vanishing act.

Meeting the brunet's eyes once again, Kisuke'd meant to demand to be let go...but....

Kyōraku Shunsui was a master of the kicked puppy look, an expression he'd long had experience with. It didn't work on Ukitake Jūshirō, who had his own frailties and knew better than to fall for his friend's acts, though he might humor Shunsui periodically. It didn't work on Yamamoto Genryūsai Shigekuni, who had so many years of experience under his belt that he had seen through the brunet's facades from the start; if he let the brunet get away with it, Shunsui _knew_ he wasn't going to like something that would happen soon. It didn't even work on Kyōraku's lieutenant, Ise Nanao - though in her case it was probably because she'd seen him drunk and disorderly when he was supposed to be working, so she didn't feel sympathy for him.

But the kicked puppy look worked on Urahara Kisuke. Oh, it didn't cheer him up, but it guilt tripped him wonderfully, making him grumble and sit back down. He even let Kyōraku lay back down with his head in the blond's lap to doze. Kisuke wasn't _happy_ about it - he knew he was being manipulated and was a bit miffed about _that_ \- but...well, he did still feel guilty about having injured Kyōraku in the first place, even as a sleepy reflex. So he owed the man. And he'd always been a sucker for the odd ones out, which perhaps explained why he'd fallen for that expression on Shunsui's face.

Thinking of _why,_ exactly, he'd fallen for the kicked puppy look made him think on Yoruichi and her playful kitten looks...memories that were glorious in themselves but which also reminded him that she was dead. And his mood plummeted as his thoughts kept circling back to his best friend's sudden passing.

Something jerked against his leg, drawing his attention outward.

In his sleep, Shunsui pressed his face harder against the blond's leg. His brow furrowed; strands of cocoa-colored hair worked their way out of the tie at Shunsui's nape, feathering across his face as if trying to shield him from the world.

Concerned - though he could barely feel it, since he'd mentally distanced himself from his emotions as best he could when he first heard of Yoruichi's death - the blond didn't even realize he was moving until his hand was halfway outstretched.

_What -? Why -?_ He couldn't finish either thought, but when Shunsui let out a low, hurt whimper, that outstretched hand wrapped around the brunet's side, taking care not to jostle the wounded shoulder, and pulled him a little closer. Hopefully the older man would physically sense the company.

As if in counterpoint to the arm holding onto the sleeping shinigami, the blond's free hand swept across to rub gently at the upturned temple before carding through wisps of hair that had escaped confinement.

_I don't know what I'm doing. What am I doing? **Why** am I doing it? ...why is he sleeping on me?_ Deep in his heart, part of him whispered brokenly, _Yoruichi...._

He didn't understand, but she was no longer there to explain. If he hadn't been held down by Shunsui using him as a pillow, the blond would have been gone long since, fleeing heartache.

The brunet's head moved, nuzzling against him, bringing him out of his thoughts once more. Still fairly well asleep, Shunsui took a deep breath and sighed lightly in his sleep, nose tucked close to the younger man.

Kisuke looked down, the corners of his mouth twitching up in the barest hint of a smile - one heartfelt, thankful, yet still sad.

_I don't want to make him move. Definitely don't want to wake him up. But I'm getting tired...._

Urahara Kisuke looked down with a distantly rueful expression, eyeing his current companion with no little consternation. _He manipulated me...and I let him._ It was tempting to just wake the older man, but Kisuke could tell Shunsui hadn't been sleeping well. If he could sleep well now, who was Kisuke to deny him that?

He leaned back against the wall and closed his eyes. Beside them on the floor, the tray held Shunsui's empty dishes and one more half-eaten meal. Lunch was over. Tessai was out. For two tired males, it was a time to nap and be lazy. There was no one around to care but them, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I have discovered that I really, intensely dislike the computer I'm on right now. I had this last scene finished in a somewhat different manner and the entire chapter edited probably more thoroughly than it is now - and an entire third of the data was different: I lost it, thanks to the damn computer rebooting with no warning and no time to save anything (and when it restarted, it had nothing to do with _Heartache_ up at all and wouldn't let me restore anything that had been there previously) and I'd seriously been maybe a minute away from posting it on two different sites.
> 
>  
> 
> _Pissed. Me. Off._
> 
>  
> 
> *deep breath* So, I hope this chapter also suits the mood of the story so far (back and forth, up and down, a kind of zig-zag pattern all over the place, hahaha), though I'd wanted to end it on a happier note for once, thus the closing of the scene that way. Hope you enjoyed it!
> 
> On a different note, my favorite phrase this chapter? "What else was hope but a dream with intention?" Yeah, wrote that off the top of my head, and damn, but it fits Shunsui so well!


	4. Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bad language, depression...I think that covers the warnings this time.

Chapter Four:

Tsukabishi Tessai rushed home. He hadn't meant to stay out so late, but Ururu was worried about Urahara and didn't want to be reassured by anyone save the blond himself—and Jinta had persisted in misbehaving (Tessai knew it was the boy's method of distracting Ururu, but it was still frustrating at a time like this) and been no help at all. In the end, he'd had to tell the upset girl that one of the Gotei's captains was helping him look after Kisuke. She'd gone quiet after that—and he still wasn't sure that was a good thing.

He arrived to the certain knowledge that someone (Shunsui) was going to make an entirely unappreciated comment as soon as he walked into the kitchen. Part of him was dreading this, because he felt he deserved it.

But when he stepped into the room and headed straight for the pots and pans, already knowing what he was going to make for a meal...no one spoke. Surprised, he frowned in confusion and turned around.

There was nobody in the room at all. Judging by the fading traces of reiatsu, they hadn't been present for some time. So where were they?

Searching the building didn't take very long for a man so familiar with it as Tessai; he found them within fifteen minutes. They were asleep in a corner of Kisuke's more public lab.

That view, seeing his boss asleep against the wall and Kyōraku slumped half against the blond and half in the younger man's lap...that sight was the single most heartwarming thing Tessai had seen since Shihōin Yoruichi died.

So instead of disturbing their slumber to apologize, the large man backed from the room and slid the door shut softly behind him. A smile quirked his lips as he returned to the kitchen.

 _He was the right person, then. I was worried when he first arrived._ Tessai pulled out the supplies he needed to cook tonight's dinner, a smile lurking about his lips. _Kisuke, he's onto you now. Who knew Kyōraku-san could get you to do as he wanted? Rock, meet hard case._

With the memory of the sleeping duo fresh in his mind, Tsukabishi Tessai settled in at the stove.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Shunsui's brow furrowed as he slowly stirred. Something smelled good—something more than just food. Stretching, he tried to remember where he was, only to freeze when his hand brushed feathery hair.

Tilting his head, he looked up into the sleeping face of Urahara Kisuke.

It was one of the most heartwarming sights he'd ever seen, partly because Kisuke hadn't been sleeping much lately and partly because he looked so...so _innocent._ And innocent wasn't usually Kisuke's forte. The blond was more typically the genius behind any profound wrenches in the plans of his enemies...or the prankster playing jokes on people he cared about.

_Though he hasn't done any of that for some time...._

Well, maybe Shunsui could fix that. He certainly hoped he could, anyway! Capturing Kisuke and taking him back to Seireitei as a prisoner just wouldn't sit well with him....

And then a swirl of air brought the smell of dinner to his nose. Suddenly, Shunsui wasn't so worried. Though it probably had something to do with the way his stomach growled.

Levering himself up on one arm, the brunet sleepily mumbled, "Hey. Kisuke. Kisuke."

The blond stirred, stretching with a jaw-popping yawn. "Mmmm?" he murmured drowsily.

"Food," was Shunsui's one-word answer.

A frown crossed the shopkeeper's face as he glanced about the room. It was 'food' that helped him realize what was missing: the tray from their lunch. _Tessai must have taken it._

But the aroma of this meal stirred something, very vaguely, in his stomach. It could have been hunger, probably was. But it was faint, so very faint, and Kisuke was _tired._ Tired of fighting, tired of being alone, tired of death.... He was just tired. Of everything, if he was honest.

Still, when the brunet reached out and put a hand on his shoulder, gently but insistently guiding him to the dining room, Kisuke didn't resist. It wasn't in him, not right now. Resistance was...too much. He was tired of it.

He was tired of everything.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Shunsui was careful to act blasé during the meal, but inside, he was worried. Very worried. Dull was anathema to Kisuke, but there was no better word to describe the blond as the three men ate dinner.

He wasn't the only one shooting concerned looks at the blond, either. Shunsui'd caught Tessai glancing over periodically as well. One firm yet tired stare and slight head shake had put a stop to that, thankfully; the absolute last thing they needed was Kisuke catching on to their worry. It would only serve to make him even more independent and obstinate, to his own detriment.

So when the blond picked at his food, Shunsui wasn't surprised. Nor was he startled when the Urahara pushed his chair back with a depressed sigh, slumped for a moment, then vanished so abruptly that he seemed a mirage, gone with the blink of an eye.

Tessai frowned.

"Well, _that_ was highly unusual.... I might not get much sleep tonight," murmured the brunet. "I'll meander about and see if I can find him again."

As he left, Tsukabishi Tessai exhaled softly in relief. _Maybe him being somewhat like Yoruichi is a good thing; he'll find a way to do something for Kisuke, however long it takes._

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Shunsui spent most of the next three days wandering the halls and grounds, searching for the blond. He checked the underground training facility, the labs, the kitchen, the shop, the roof.... The Urahara was nowhere to be found. So he stretched his senses out – and felt the eccentric ex-captain's reiatsu a few miles away in a park.

When he got there, the blond was up in a tree, reclining against it, with Benihime in his lap. But those eyes.... Surrounded by dark circles, with a haunted, empty gaze....

"...I can't sleep," the blond whispered, as if to himself. Eyes a dull gray, he lifted one hand to stare at his palm. "...why...can't I sleep...?"

It tore something in brunet's heart when the blond slumped hopelessly, as if he hadn't a clue how to sleep. And the wound in his heart gaped wider, because he knew that he could not make the first move...not if this eccentric, brilliant man was going to recover fully.

So he tilted his hat and looked up at the other man, a vague smile playing about his lips. "Any time you want, you're welcome to join me. Bed's big enough for two, and if we can't sleep, well, we can always find something else to do."

This would have horrified almost anyone else, but it was probably the right method to use with Urahara Kisuke.

Probably.

 _Shit, I fucking hope so...._ Kyōraku Shunsui wasn't often so vulgar with his language, but...this meant a lot to him. More than he was willing to admit.

 _Hoping_ was one thing; _admitting_ that he hoped for...he wouldn't even think the words...well, that might jinx him. And Kis-kun. And the _last_ thing the Urahara needed right now was to be jinxed.

So Shunsui smiled slightly and turned to leave, giving the blond a short wave of acknowledgment before he started walking. He'd go snag some sake and take a nap in his room. It had that...scattered Urahara charm. The decorations – and in some areas, lack thereof – were so typical of the blond.

_What am I thinking? ...I need a drink._

Sake, that was the solution. To which of his problems, even Shunsui himself wasn't entirely sure. Because while the blond was currently a pain in the ass and he wished – no, he wasn't going there!

...but...was it too much to ask that his task not be _quite_ so difficult? Though he supposed that _difficult_ might as well have been Kis-kun's middle name.

He didn't see gray eyes glint slightly – ever so slightly – green as he walked away.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kisuke watched the brunet walk away; he'd barely registered the man's words, too lost in depression to pay much attention. He was a man with a high level of focus, one who cared deeply. This, unfortunately, meant that when he lost someone he was close to and didn't have anything else of importance occupying his attention, his state of mind became very dark and tended to stay there.

Right now, he was focused on Yoruichi's death and his own inability to sleep.

But something echoed in his head. Something...what was it...?

 _Anytime you want, you're welcome to join me._ The words echoed in his head. Where did they come from? Who...?

Oh. That's right. Kyōraku-san. _Shunsui,_ his subconscious whispered, so softly he didn't catch it. A flicker of good-humored recognition passed through him, there and gone; perversion of the sexual nature – flirting or teasing, hitting on someone or ogling them – was a pastime of his. One the brunet shared.

...he was so _tired...._

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Kyōraku Shunsui was worried about Urahara Kisuke. The man was barely eating (he'd taken steps to remedy this particular problem by pushing a snack into his hands every few hours) and certainly wasn't getting enough sleep. It was the second issue which was confounding him. But, damn it, he'd done the only thing he could! He'd spoken the words he was sure would inspire the blond to come to him for help!

Sitting up in bed, he ran a hand through his hair, face seeming even more rugged than usual. All this stress was hell on his leisurely naps....

Still, it _was_ for Kis-kun....

He yawned and stood, donning his haori and exiting his room in search of the blond. This search took less time than usual.

Gray eyes glanced up at his arrival, which he hoped was good news. Kis-kun hadn't reacted outwardly to the presence of anyone before this, except to hide. This, while it wasn't something to dance or cheer over, seemed to be an improvement.

Of course, with the Urahara, appearances could often be deceiving. Though his _looks_ currently matched his reality: haggard, worn and sad.

Shunsui sat down next to the other man, drawing a bottle of sake from one sleeve and a pair of cups from the other. It was perhaps not the best habit to have, but it certainly made a sensible way to start a conversation!

As the blond accepted a cup, the brunet said, with a trace of amusement, "You didn't take me up on my offer."

Urahara smiled wanly, sipping sake. "Haven't you heard? I'm a stubborn man. Trying to manipulate me generally backfires."

"I'd heard something like that," admitted the brunet. "Though Tessai mentioned that the young Kurosaki was adept at getting you to do what he wants."

It was a sign of his depression that Kisuke didn't pull out his fan. "We tend to share the same end goals. Besides, I am the one responsible for all the teaching the young Kuchiki girl didn't give him." His eyes darkened, remembering how he'd been the one to insist that _yes,_ Yoruichi should train Ichigo using the three-day method to achieve bankai. She'd stood there with her hands on her hips, asking him if he was _sure,_ really sure.

"Kis-kun?" He didn't seem to register the sound the first time, so Shunsui repeated himself. "Kis-kun? Hey, not responding when someone's talking to you is rude, you know. If Jū were here, you'd get a nice little lecture on that."

That got through. There was even a faint hint of green in gray eyes when Kisuke turned his head to face the other man. "How often have you been given this lecture, then? Surely you know it by heart."

Chuckling, the brunet admitted to himself that the blond had a point. "Okay, okay, ease up! I lose this round." Then he found himself pinned to the spot by the next question.

"And...where did _Kis-kun_ come from?"

Backpedaling desperately, Shunsui countered with, "Ah, that? You know how I am with formality! It just doesn't work for me."

Gray eyes assessed him solemnly, and somehow Shunsui knew they found his answer wanting. _Shit._

Draining the last of his sake, Kisuke set the cup next to the brunet and rose to his feet. Shunsui nearly flinched when a hand was set on the shoulder that had previously been wounded, but Tessai did some fine work when he put his mind to it.

"I'll be around," Urahara told him. As he left, he added, "I think."

That last was in no way reassuring.

Shunsui sighed. Looked like he'd have to play another round of Find Kis-kun...

_And I put my foot in my mouth when I called him that to his face, damn it. After so many years, you'd think I'd know how to keep my mouth shut when I ought to._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kind of wanted a happy ending but then again I kind of wanted a sad ending, so the result is...mixed. I hope you enjoyed it anyway.
> 
> Also: Finally! Shunsui slips up and calls the blond Kis-kun to his face! *happy dance* It's...one of the turning points, shall we say? ;)


	5. Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am...not entirely sure I'm happy with where this chapter ended, but it's been long enough since I updated anything that I've been wanting to update something. This was the only one even nearly done, but don't worry--I'm working on updating the others, too.  
>  _CK_ is starting to flow again, for those of you who read that, and I hope to update that this month.
> 
> Also: interestingly enough, the first two scenes of this chapter were written immediately after I posted chapter four, because Kis-kun was feeling lonely.

I apologize for this taking so long. *frown* The first two scenes were done literally right after I posted chapter four, but the flow has been a bit choppy since. Having company hasn't helped me any.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Title: A Cupful of Heartache**

**Author: Cuzosu**

**Rating: M**

**Summary:** Yoruichi's death has left Kisuke unstable, so Yamamoto sends another captain to either calm Urahara or take him prisoner. The downside? His best option to send is also the most like Yoruichi.

**Chapter Warnings:** Depression, duh. Also a botched experiment.

 

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**Chapter Five:**

Urahara Kisuke stared at the door.

He was hesitant—and he knew why, somewhere in the back of his mind. He just...couldn't remember right now. Wouldn't remember right now. It would delay things. Cause problems.

Problems he didn't want, couldn't deal with yet.

Urahara Kisuke stared at the door.

It wasn't the least bit daunting, nowhere near intimidating. This door was merely a door in his home.

Kisuke wasn't sure he was convinced of that, just now. Not that he was actually daunted or intimidated; that wasn't his style. (Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew he still wasn't feeling his emotions with all the impact he ought. The analytical part of him called it shock. He was in shock – from the death of his best friend, Shihōin Yoruichi.)

Still, there was something about this door....

_Maybe it's the man you know lies beyond it,_ whispered...something. _He is dangerous, unpredictable, manipulative...._ Much the same as the blond himself.

But.

_I have been a fool,_ Urahara admitted to himself. _But I am not a coward. Everyone has moments of weakness. This is just fair trade._

He stepped forward and opened the door.

 

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Kyōraku Shunsui was dozing lightly when Urahara Kisuke slid the door open and entered on silent feet. He'd been hoping for but not particularly expecting the blond, so he was somewhat shocked.

As the brunet blinked dazedly, Kisuke graced the older man with a look of faint but scathing disgust and extreme exhaustion. “Can't sleep,” he mumbled as he slid the door shut and slumped against the wall.

Even though he knew he'd die if the blond ever discovered his thoughts, the brunet couldn't help it. _A small wrinkle in his brow to indicate a disgruntled attitude.... Like I needed that sign, Kis-kun.... I can tell that you're annoyed, beneath the hurt that covers you like a cloak._

With a huff of amusement, Shunsui flipped the blankets toward the blond, freeing an open space on the bed, then wriggled himself back to his previous sprawled position. “You as well? I've not felt quite rested for some time, either.” Closing his eyes, he mumbled contentedly, “Stretch out and stay a while. Sake's on the nightstand, snacks in the drawer under the sake. If you need 'em.” Then he sighed and, to all appearances, went to sleep.

Kisuke knew better; the brunet was still awake, merely waiting for his next move. But...he'd come here. No one had made him. And Kyōraku-san wasn't evicting him, which meant he didn't mind the company....

Feeling no little trepidation, Kisuke clambered into the bed, careful not to jostle the other occupant.

When he slipped under the blankets, Shunsui hid a smile.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tessai's morning began as was usual lately. He rose and searched for Urahara Kisuke until it was time to make breakfast. Then he migrated into the kitchen and cooked enough food for the three males, at which point he would rouse Kyōraku-san to eat.

He knocked on the door briefly, alerting the captain to his presence, and then opened it. His eyes didn't have time to take in the sight of the room.

All he knew was that something rushed toward him from said room, swept him back against the wall behind him, and something sharp was suddenly at his throat. Tessai very carefully made no moves.

The weight on his throat was there for no more than a second. Then there was another sensation of movement and he thought he saw a flicker of blond hair—and suddenly the hallway was empty again.

When he looked back in the room, the brunet met his gaze steadily. “Well, obviously he isn't ready for wake-up calls.” Shunsui ran a hand through his hair, then reached to snag a hair tie and his clothes. “Ten to one says Kis-kun'll be skittish for a while after this; might as well eat breakfast before searching him out.” Dark eyes focused intensely on him for a brief moment. “Oh, and you might want to do something for your neck. Looks like he stopped in time to keep from doing worse, but I don't think he needs to be guilt tripped right now.”

Tessai raised a hand to his throat; it came away smeared with blood. _I'm glad the Boss recognized me...._ Getting his throat ripped open by Benihime was not high on his list of things to do. _...glad the kids weren't here for this...._

As relief and resignation rolled over both men, they headed into the dining room to eat.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After breakfast, Shunsui slipped away again to search out the elusive escape artist. _Really, Kis-kun's getting better at avoidance than I am!_ This was almost annoying, except that somehow the brunet couldn't find it in himself to be more than adoring. The blond was just so cute when he moped and pouted – though heavens forbid he imply anything of the sort to the Urahara! And anyway he liked more than the blond's cuteness, and he'd seen the dangerous sides of the younger man and was quite fond of them, too. (When they weren't aimed at him, of course.)

Either Shunsui got lucky or the Urahara just hadn't bothered to go wandering today, because he was in his lab. Staring at a collection of vials he hadn't bothered to label because he knew what was what.

Something about the chemicals put Shunsui on edge, though he couldn't put his finger on what until the blond musingly stated, “I want to mix those two bottles and make something explode.”

_**...what?**_ If that wasn't cause for an oh-shit reaction, Shunsui didn't know what was. But unfortunately, he didn't have such luxury. So his tone was calm as he said, “You haven't lately?” As if he didn't know.

Kisuke gave him an inscrutable look. Apparently that was all the answer he intended to offer, because he resumed his stare down with the vials. Shunsui was never quite sure, after, whether it was seconds or hours before he reached for whichever had most caught his attention; all of _his_ focus was on a certain blond ex-captain. It was probably a good thing for Shunsui that the Urahara was so absorbed in his choices that he was oblivious to anything else non-threatening, because _damn,_ that mad scientist look really suited his Kis-kun!

_Uh-uh,_ Shunsui thought to himself, giving his mind a firm mental shake. _Not **mine.** Not yet, maybe not ever._ Yes, he had it bad. If he was honest, he'd lusted after the blond some even back when Kisuke belonged to Second Squad, and he hadn't been particularly into men. But Urahara Kisuke was a special case, and somehow the more he discovered about the blond, the more the brunet liked him. It maybe wasn't the smartest, having this kind of appreciation for the scientist, but Shunsui was wise enough to know that emotions were impossible to fully control...and there were some emotions that trumped logic every time.

A solution went _glub- **glop!**_ inside a container; Shunsui had no idea what it was, but the back of his neck was prickling and that usually meant something—

He dove for the blond just in time to take the brunt of the explosion, but knocked the open vial from the Urahara's hand in the process. It was obviously something flammable, because there was an audible _whump!_ just before they were slammed into a wall. If the room hadn't been on fire, Shunsui might have allowed himself to fall to the ground; that impact had most definitely not been soft on either man.

Seeing something over his shoulder, Kisuke's eyes widened a bit as he flung a hand out, kidō erupting from his fingertips. It felt like a barrier and that was all he sensed before he was shoved away, falling on his ass out of sheer surprise. Storm-gray orbs stared at the room from beneath blond bangs as Kisuke focused. He looked too focused to have done this before, so Shunsui stayed quiet and merely watched, aware that the ex-captain was doing something that was (in all probability) highly dangerous. Again.

Then Tessai burst in the door, fired off what was probably two or three consecutive kidō spells, and rushed them both off to bed. The same bed. And, while Kyōraku happened to be known for over-the-top antics and perversion, the blond didn't appear to be protesting sharing a bed with him. Instead, it seemed he was sulking over being denied access to his own lab by a stern healer and threatened with sedation if he didn't cooperate.

Shunsui was fairly sure that the only reason Kisuke didn't get out of bed anyway was the particular type of kidō barrier Tessai had used. Canny fellow. Or maybe he was just used to dealing with the blond. Either way, he'd set up a barrier that would incinerate anything inside it if forced, which rather neatly tied his unruly patient's hands.

For his part, Kisuke was sulking about it. It was the first thing he'd wanted in...days?...weeks?...and now he was being denied! By someone he called friend, no less! If Yoruichi—the name sent a pang through him, but he was on a roll and had experiments he planned to do—if Yoruichi was here, she'd...well, she'd probably take Tessai's side and drop a fist or a foot on his head, to boot, but, damn it, he wanted his lab back!

He was working himself into quite a fit when Kyōraku set a hand on his arm.

“Hey. Kisuke.” He waited for the blond to face him at least part of the way. “He's only done this because he's worried for you. Tessai doesn't want to face the possibility of losing another friend so soon.” The brunet took a deep breath. “And neither do I,” he admitted, meeting his eyes.

Intellectual or not, Kisuke felt his brain fry when he met that gaze. Care, want and heartfelt need shone clearly in those gray eyes. It was all he wanted—and more than he could take.

When the blond fled in a sudden burst of shunpo, Kyōraku Shunsui cursed. He'd moved too fast and probably blown his chance.

Tessai arrived moments later, having felt the turbulent reiatsu that had permeated the air such a short time ago. He looked a question at the captain and didn't have to say a word.

“He ran,” sighed Shunsui, pain and bitterness at the rejection hidden in his sad tone.

Wise to the ways of stubborn shinigami, Tsukabishi Tessai read between the lines. _Kyōraku-san likes the Boss, and the Boss is still mourning and won't—probably can't—accept that._ He sighed. Why did the people he worked with have to cause him such difficulties? To be fair, though, at least Urahara-san hadn't dragged him into anything he didn't want to do. Not everyone would have been so willing to stick their necks out for others the way Kisuke had for the Vaizards (and then for Kurosaki-kun, too). If Tessai didn't want to be there, he could always leave. It was just that Tessai wanted to help his blond friend with something personal for once, instead of helping him help others.

 

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Urahara Kisuke stared at the paper in front of him. Part of his mind was focused on designing the medical supplies and equipment Unohana Retsu had requested of him. The other part of his mind was reeling between abject loneliness and the surety that he didn't want to get that close to anyone else ever again. He couldn't stand the pain of another such loss.

Every now and then, his mind—the traitorous thing—would supply him with images of his brunet visitor, kind and compassionate and unusually respectful. Immediately after the surge of uncertainty that swamped him at the sight of the other man, he would hear soft, reassuring murmurs, a gentle but firm voice urging him to eat and drink—to take care of himself. And then like echoes from across the sea would come that worried visage, gray eyes dark and fretting, wisps of chocolate hair framing that rugged face perfectly, saying, “Kis-kun? Kis-kun?” with a voice full of emotions the blond dared not name.

Well, no, that wasn't quite right—he knew what they were and he _did_ name them, as a matter of fact, but only when the other man wasn't present, when he wouldn't be forced to deal with the consequences of those emotions immediately. Away from the captain, Urahara could examine all the emotional intricacies with clinical detachment. It was easier on his mind, yes—but the real reason he was hiding away and trying so hard not to show emotions in front of anyone was because the pain of Yoruichi's death was feeding his rage...and should he lose his temper, well, Benihime was not a teaching kind of zanpakuto....

Until he dealt with his out-of-control emotions, being around people he cared about was a risk he was not willing to take.


End file.
